Today, April 26, my mom would have turned 60 years old.
It’s been a little over 3 years since I lost my mom to breast cancer.
I was 28 and she was 56. I was just about exactly the age that she was when she birthed me. I remember mentioning that to her shortly before she died.
This is fourth birthday that she’s had since we lost her. The first was the hardest, but this one was harder than I expected it to be. I guess that since 60 is a round number and that my sister and I probably would have done something special for her, it just makes it that much harder.
On days like today, I think about my relationship with my mom and am comforted by the fact that I worked hard to get closer to her very shortly after she was first diagnosed with breast cancer back in 2007. I probably saw her and spent more quality time with her in the months after the diagnosis than I did when I was growing up. I was afraid of losing her, but more than that, I was afraid that I’d have regrets about how our relationship ended. My only real regret is that I didn’t finish my degree before she died. But as a friend reminded me today, my mom was proud of me. I wish that she could see the man who I’ve become in the years since I lost her. I feel so much more at peace with myself now, and I just feel like a much better person…
I debated whether I wanted to write a post about my mom today because I knew that doing so would make me emotional. This is hard and it only scratches the surface of what’s been going through my head today, but I felt like I had to get some of it out at least.